And I ran, I ran so far away. I just ran. Ran ran ran down the hallway, out the door, down three flights of steps and down the corridor looking for Vera’s room number, 151140. During this furious race against time I tried to plan out the subsequent conversation. The last thing I wanted to do was to waste time with “umms” and “uhhhs.” This talk needed to be quick and to the point if I was going to get back up to my room in time.
The Cardboard Cutout of the Princess had already informed me that time was different here in Denmark. On the surface I had used twenty-seven of the thirty-two minutes allotted to me by the guard. What if there was a way to extend my limit without anyone realizing it? The answer was simple, there was.
Immediately I stopped in my tracks, only four doors away from Vera’s room. With a flourish I spun around and walked backwards. Despite only mastering the ability to run a couple of years ago I figured how hard could it be? If I needed to extend my window I needed to do everything both slowly and in reverse. To be honest I’m not sure what was tougher, walking backwards to her room or the conversation that followed.
I reached Room 151140 and knocked on the door with the back of my head. I couldn’t figure out the backwards way of knocking with my hands, and seeing how the words “hand” and “head” are similar but not, I figured that was my answer. The following conversation took four hours and twelve minutes to say, due to us having to think and figure out what the other was saying. Yet in Danish time it only took forty-five seconds, long enough for me to get back to my room with time to spare.
Vera: Oh, it’s you.
Me: netsiL ew t’nod evah tol a fo emit.
Vera: hhhhhhhA, uoy derugif tuo woh ot etalupinam emit ereh ni kramneD.
Me: seY! I deen ot emoc tuo fo ruoy anigav. esaelP!
Vera: I saw gnipoh d’uoy yas haht. teeM em ereh worromot ta 51:4.
Me: uoy knahT. uoy knahT oooooooos hcum!
Vera: enO erom gniht. eraperP flesruoy thginot. resseL nem naht uoy evah enog enasni gnirud eht htriber ssecorp.
Me: sihT si gnikam em yzzid dna suoesuan. I deen ot og.
Vera: oG! oG neht! eB evarb hnuoy retsam samohT!
By this point in the conversation my stomach was lurching and my head was spinning. Manipulating time was exhausting and all I wanted to do was go back to my room, lay down and sleep forever. Alas, I couldn’t. I had to be reborn tomorrow. There was so much preparation to do. So much training and so little time.
Finally I made it back up to my room and the moment I turned around I felt the world spin off its axis. I was now once again in “normal time” and the re-adjustment was harsh.
So I ralphed all over the carpet.
I was about to enter my room when inside the chunks of Danish food I had ingested and regurgitated I noticed a letter.
Yet was it?
I quickly opened the door and shut it behind me. Immediately I slid down the wooden frame and wiped away the fragments of peaches and apricots I had that morning for breakfast. Holding the letter close to my face I read the following:
I can’t tell you how I did this or who I am. Just know that I am from your future. A future where time travel is not only possible, it is done with regularity. We have learned that the secret is…wait I told you that I can’t tell you how I did this so forget the technical jargon and just continue reading. Tomorrow you will be reborn and your life will change forever. The moment you see the light…duck.
The Time Traveler’s Wife
PS Yes there is a book and a movie with the same title. They ripped us off. You will learn about that later on, probably in thirty or so years. It’s quite a fun little story too. Can’t wait to tell you in person. Wait I told you I couldn’t tell you who I am so scratch that detail as well. Now if you will, eat this letter again. There can’t be any evidence of our existence.
PPS In the future Apple will hit $500 a share. This is very important. Apple isn’t just a fruit. If you were aware of the burgeoning computer market opening up right now you would know all about the battle Apple would wage with Microsoft. It’s quite a big deal. Regardless, buy lots of Apple. Seriously, trust me. Again, not the fruit, the computer brand.
PPPS Receiving this letter might give you false confidence that you cannot die since I know you already in the future. Don’t be mistaken, death is still a possibility. In fact if you need further details on the matter may I suggest you buying the game changing series DC Comics is putting out next year, “Crisis on Infinite Earths.” That might help you along.
PPPPS No you don’t have superpowers. I don’t want you thinking the comic reference also refers to you being some kind of immortal superhero. You are just a man. Actually you are currently just a six year old.
PPPPPS I’m sorry this letter is so long. As a result of eating a note with this much ink on it you will develop horrible stomach problems that will last the rest of your life. But at least you’ll be alive. Well maybe. Possibly. If things work out. Don’t try and fly cause you can’t. Buy Apple stock.
PPPPPPS Okay I’m done.
Well the note was right on several different levels. I memorized everything it said, ate it again and spent the rest of the night on the bowl instead of mentally and spiritually preparing for my rebirth. Looking back though, maybe that was the point. By spending all that time trying to push the garbage out of me, perhaps I was training my body for what was to come.